Thursday 16 September 2010

The Third World is where all your followers are dying of AIDS, everyone reminds Vatican


Everyone this morning reminded the Catholic church that the Third World is actually that place where their followers are dying of AIDS because they’ve told them not to use condoms.

Cardinal Walter Kasper referred to the UK as the Third World after mistaking it for sub-Saharan Africa where millions of Catholic Africans are dying needlessly because an eighty year-old Virgin thinks Jesus wants everyone ‘riding bareback’.

As one Catholic explained, “It’s an easy mistake to make.  Basingstoke is very reminiscent of Mogadishu, and Watford on a Saturday night is a lot like civil war torn Sudan.”

“To be honest, it was probably wishful thinking on their part, because in the Third World people still listen to what they have to say, whereas here in the UK they are little more than an irrelevant annoyance with an entourage that would make P Diddy blush.”

Third World

Leading Atheist Richard Dawkins has said there is a very easy way to find out if your are in fact in the Third World.

He told reporters, “It’s a simple test, just ask someone what happens if you have sex with a condom. If they start pointing at the sky and screaming about an eternity in a fiery hell, you’re almost certainly in the Catholic influenced third world.”

“You can check to see if their mud hut is adorned with a picture of the Pope looking menacing if you’re still unsure.”

“But If they shrug their shoulders and say ‘no wet patch?’ then you’re probably somewhere near Swindon.”

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