Wednesday 15 September 2010

Pope adds JLS to bill in order to sell remaining gig tickets


A Vatican spokesperson has announced that boy band JLS have been added as a support act to the Pope’s UK tour in the hope of selling the thousands of unsold £25 tickets.

Sales for the Pontiff’s events have been underwhelming to this point, with today’s discerning consumers expecting more than a lecture by a man in a pointy hat for their £25.

Lapsed Catholic Diedre Williams told us, “I was considering going to see him, but if I really wanted to be told everything in my life is sinful by someone in a dress, I’d have lunch with my mother.”

Another potential Pope fan said, “I went to see U2 last year, and though Bono is a bit of an arsehole, at least he put on a bit of a show for the ticket price.  The Pope doesn’t appear to making even the slightest effort.”

“Where are the laser shows, the pyrotechnics? Surely they aren’t expecting me to pay £25 to watch an old man tell me from a lectern that all the gays are evil, are they?”

Pope Visit

A Vatican spokesperson explained that the audience for a JLS gig is almost identical to that expected at this year’s Papal events.

“They’re both entirely delusional, with little more than a tenuous grasp of reality, and remain completely convinced that the person on the stage is some sort of super-being.”

“And with the right persuasion you can easily convince them that condoms are a very bad idea.”

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