Monday 13 September 2010

French men set to lose their last redeeming feature


After a new survey found that three-quarters of Gallic couples have a disappointing sex life, Frenchmen everywhere have seen their last redeeming feature disappear before their very eyes.

The survey by the respected Institute for Public Opinion found that more than one in three women said they had used excuses such as headaches, tiredness or their partner being overtly French to get out of having sex with them.

One Frenchman we spoke to said, “Being a great lover is something we have always been able to fall back on.  It’s amazing what you can get away with when women think you’re good in bed.”

“Women would often look past the poor personal hygiene, lack of any work ethic and our supreme cowardice, safe in the knowledge we were dynamite in the sack, but alas this is to be no more.”

“Now we are merely smelly work-shy blokes with all the sexual dynamism of a rotting vegetable – much like your northerners.”

French sex appeal

However millions of French men have bucked the stereotype and insisted it is not their fault at all, but that of the French women who have not made themselves sufficiently attractive.

“We are great in bed,” said one man, “but only when it’s worth it, and most French women do not look like Carla Bruni. In fact, somewhat ironically, they mostly look like your own Dawn French.”

“Much like our jobs, we’ll put the effort in when we think it’s worth it, which is essentially never, or whenever we get the chance to shaft a foreigner.”

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