Friday 3 September 2010

If I can forgive Bill, then you can forgive each other, Hilary tells Israel and Palestine


US Secretary of State Hilary Clinton has begun Middle East peace talks by telling Israel and Palestine that if she is capable of forgiving Bill Clinton for having sex with an intern, then they are surely capable of forgiving each other’s past indiscretions.

As the talks opened, US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton told Palestinian president Mahmoud Abbas and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu they had the “opportunity to be the bigger man here, a lot like I was when Bill had his way with that trollop.”

“What people need to realise is that, if I, as a strong modern woman, can look past my husband having his genitals tickled by a young intern, then peace between your two nations is a real possibility.”

“Sure, you have fifty years of death and destruction to look back on and somehow try to forget – but he came on her dress.  On her dress!”

Peace Talks

Early indications are that the first round of talks have gone well, but US officials have stressed that despite progress, this will not be an overnight process.

A spokesperson told us, “So far we have an agreement on both sides that Bill was lying shit, and Hilary is an absolute saint for sticking with him.”

“There was some resistance from the Palestinians on that last point, but they graciously conceded at about 2am.”

“Both sides have now signed a document to that effect and a courier is taking it to Bill as we speak.”

“Hilary has claimed it as success and an indication of what can be achieved if you sit powerful people in a room and talk at length about why you are right.”

“Oh, the peace process? I have no idea.  Sorry.”

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