BMW have today announced the launch of their newest Mini, the Mini Oxymoron, the little big car that is expensively affordable whilst being everything it should be and also that it shouldn’t be, except when it is, when it also isn’t.
At a driving event for the media this week, the new Mini Oxymoron was met with much nodding and head-shaking by the same people as they grappled with the very definition of what it means to be a big mini.
A BMW spokeswoman said, “We’re delighted with the Oxymoron, it’s the little big car, that is expensively affordable, beautifully ugly and terrifyingly safe.”
“Sure, people wonder about the name. But really, what’s in a name? Well it’s everything. And nothing. Do you see what I’ve done there?”
“We’ve essentially taken everything that the mini was, and thrown it away, whilst also keeping it and making it bigger, yet smaller. I hope that clarifies it for you.”
One driver who saw the launch commented, “A big mini? Really? This is like those Chinese folks calling the endangered species the ‘Pygmy Giant Pandas’, because just plain old ‘pandas’ isn’t sexy enough.”
“You’re all clearly idiots.”
Another confused driver concluded, “What about the genital connotations? I get that a guy in a big car is covering for small genitals. I get it. Big car equals small genitals, but what should I now make of a woman driving a mini?”