Thursday 2 September 2010

William Hague is definitely not one of ours, insist furious gay community


After allegations that William Hague had an improper relationship with his aide Christopher Myers, the gay community have been quick to strenuously deny that he is one of their own.

Mr Myers resigned after it was revealed he and Mr Hague shared a bedroom during the election campaign, though Hague has insisted it is actually a perfectly normal situation for 49 year-old man to find himself in with a man of just 25.

A spokesman for the G.A.Y. club in London said, “The allegations that he might secretly be part of our community are completely without merit and could cause untold harm to our reputations.”

“We’re very accepting generally, but he is so clearly not a gay man, and it would be extremely helpful if you could all stop saying he is.”

“Bookings are already down as people are fearful they might see him topless at our next gig, and you’re just pushing more of us back into the closet for fear of being branded a Tory.”

William Hague

Members of the gay community have gone to great lengths to show point to the evidence that William Hague is a straight man, starting with his marriage.  To a woman.

“Gay men do not marry women. And did you see the suit he wore to the conference season last year? No self respecting gay man would be seen dead in such a cut.”

“And honestly, he looks like he’s not seen the inside of a gym in years.”

“At fourteen years of age any self respecting gay man is either struggling with his feelings for the football team captain or trying out for the local majorettes.  Not writing a speech for the Conservative party conference.”

“Plus, in one day he drank fourteen pints of real ale whilst helping make deliveries to many pubs.  Okay, admittedly that one sounds like he was trying just a bit too hard.”

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