Friday 27 August 2010

NHS urged to put obesity clinics on top of a hill


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After figures showed a ten-fold increase in the number of operations to assist weight loss among the obese, tax payers everywhere have suggested that maybe the NHS should think about putting some of these hospitals on top of a big hill.

Researchers for Imperial College London said that more people were now aware of the ‘easy way out’ surgery option, so perhaps making it more difficult for them to get to the easy way out might deter ‘a few of the bigger ones’.

One researcher said, “Just about everyone who is overweight has heard of the gastric band, and so now they all want one.  It’s getting very tedious for the nation’s doctors.”

“We’ve tried fobbing them off with a big elastic band that they wear like a belt, but Google has totally screwed us on this one. They have pictures of the real thing, and all sorts of information on them.”

“It’s got to the point where we’re only able to fool the really stupid ones.”

Obesity cost

Leading think tank The BrainsTrust has suggested a radical new approach to obesity care, in order to weed out those not fully committed to the process of losing weight and to save valuable tax money which could be put towards the care of smokers or drinkers.

Spokesperson Dwight R Larglebecker explained, “If there’s one thing that truly obese people love more than eating cakes, it’s not having to walk up a hill.”

“So we suggest making them walk uphill to the clinic, and ensuring they must come back for referral appointments every day, for four or five months. Then hey presto, there’s no more need for a gastric band.”

“However, early indications show that if all gastric bands were placed at the top of a mile-long steep incline, it would reduce operation requests by 97%.”

“The other 3% have one of those electric mobility scooters, so maybe we should think about including a moat?”

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