Tuesday 24 August 2010

World Cup bid ‘unbeatable’, says man who won election by coming last


England’s World Cup 2018 bid team have scheduled an emergency briefing for Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg in order to explain the concept of winning and losing, after he claimed their bid was ‘unbeatable’ thinking it was much like a general election.

Clegg told the media yesterday that the English World Cup in 2018 was ‘unbeatable’ after holding preliminary coalition talks with other bidding countries Russia and Spain/Portugal.

He told reporters, “Whatever happens, and whatever way the vote goes, I am completely confident that I will be involved in hosting a World Cup finals.”

“Sure, we would like to be everyone’s first choice, but I have already proven how quick I can change sides if there is so much as a sniff of power, I mean success.”

“I think we probably need about 20% of the votes to secure victory, or to ensure we have the deciding say in who hosts the 2018 World Cup.”

“Coming last in a fair vote should never stop you winning that vote.  It’s the democratic way.”

World Cup Bid

FIFA are expected to announce the host nation in early December, with Clegg convinced the announcement is irrelevant as long as a minority of FIFA members vote for England.

A bid team spokesperson told us, “Someone has to explain to Nick that the World cup bidding process is different to a general election, but he keeps insisting that if coming last can get you power in one of the largest economies in the world, then surely it can win a tiny World Cup bid.”

“He seems to think he can jump into bed with either Russia or the Spain/Portugal and nobody will care.  But if he does, nobody will ever vote for him ever again.”

“Yes, of course I’m still talking about football. Why?”

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