Tuesday 24 August 2010 By Spacey

Fox vows to withdraw non-existent British troops from made-up video game


Defence Secretary Liam Fox has said he will do everything in his power to ensure that British troops participating in the forthcoming Medal of Honour video game are brought home immediately to ensure that there will be no needless loss of imaginary life.

A statement later released by The game’s publishers Electronic Arts confirmed that the game “does not allow players to actually kill British soldiers and that no British lives were lost in the development of the game,”

A spokesperson for Liam Fox said he stood by his comments, claiming, “The point remains that soldiers that don’t exist are being killed by Taliban fighters that aren’t real, in situations that aren’t actually happening.”

The Department of Culture Media and Sport (DCMS) has distanced itself from the minister’s comments, saying, “Dr Fox was expressing a personal view. A view that appears to revolve around the notion that the game is actually real.”

“We’ve tried explaining the difference between the real world, and imaginary ones such as that inhabited by he and the rest of the cabinet, but it’s a bit of a losing battle to be honest.”

Challenges

The DCMS spokesperson continued, “The participants in the conflict against the Taliban have to negotiate hazardous terrain and risk their lives on a daily basis to achieve their objectives, whereas the hardest thing that the participants of Medal of Honour will have to negotiate is empty pizza boxes and caffeine based energy drinks as they attempt to get to the toilet.”

“We also have it on good authority that real combat situations don’t come with a pause facility.”

A spokesman for Electronic Arts has defended the game and questioned Dr Fox’s suitability for role of Defence Secretary.

“The previous versions of Medal of Honour have been released without loss of life to any real soldiers, and we are confident that the only possible danger that could arise from the game is if it were to fall into the hands of someone who could not differentiate between reality and fiction.”

“With this in mind, we should all be safe as long as Dr Fox doesn’t get his hands on a copy.”

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