Friday 20 August 2010

Police to charge themselves with wasting their own time


The Criminal Prosecution Service has announced that police in Nottinghamshire intend to charge themselves with wasting their own time, after a lengthy investigation into a euthanasia allegation against Ray Gosling led to no charges being brought against anyone at all.

The police stand accused of wasting their own time investigating television presenter Ray Gosling’s claim on air that he smothered his terminally ill lover – an act of kindness any right-minded human being could see was not an intentionally criminal act.

However, both the police force and and CPS invested significant amounts of time to determine that there was no case to answer, leaving them with no choice but to charge themselves with wasting their own time.

A CPS spokesperson told reporters, “This is an unusual set of circumstances, yes, but the rules are clear. If you waste police time then you are breaking the law – and the fact that you are the actual policeman whose time is being wasted is completely irrelevant.”

“One senior officer involved has already taken himself to one side and formally cautioned himself, but he won’t be commenting publicly as he could use his comments against himself in a court of law.”

Wasting police time

Mr Gosling, who also had his time wasted but for some reason this doesn’t seem to matter, said: “I’m sorry that the police wasted so much time investigating an incident which everyone told them not to investigate and which nobody cared about.”

“I think at one point I might have actually said, ‘you’re completely wasting your own time here – isn’t that sort of illegal or something?’.”

“Still, hopefully something good will come out of this, and maybe the police will stop wasting their time, and my money, investigating things that nobody except the Daily Mail editor gives a rats chuff about.”

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