As a new survey showed that over a third of Republican Americans believe President Obama to be a Muslim, many have admitted that they are worried a lax Democrat approach to homeland security might mean that they too, are now Muslim.
The survey showed that 20% of Americans believe President Obama to be a Muslim, but that figure rises to 34% if you only ask right-wing voters who desperately want to believe all the bad things you hear about President Obama.
Concern has only been worsened by rumours that the number of Muslims in the US is growing at a rate that any sane person would consider completely insignificant.
One worried Republican told us, “There was a Muslim in my supermarket last week, and I think he might have given me Islam when he sneezed in my direction.”
“I’ve been bathing in Jesus water for an hour every day since, but I think it might be too late because I’ve had this strange desire to blow something up all week. Well, not blow something up, more shoot something, but that’s them Muslims too, right?”
Many Republican are already on the lookout for the rising number of Muslims, concerned they will seek to ruin the American way of life and traditional US pastimes such as over-eating, owning guns and being horribly misinformed about almost everything.
Missouri resident Walt Shaker told us, “I been hearin’ a lot on Fox News ’bout more and more people being one of them Muslims here in the US of A, but we only had one recent addition to the family, so clearly little Jethro must be that new Muslim.”
“As soon as he can talk, we’ll get one of them TV evangelists to burn it out of him. The $500 charge seems quite cheap for such a valuable service, praise the Lord!”