The future of jam-making, garden centres and unpronounceable bread-based products have become less certain after the Coalition announced they will be carrying out a review of benefits available to middle-class families.
Middle-class support groups have warned that cuts to benefits could leave them without access to even the most basic of the exotic flat breads, and have announced that they will be sending a strongly worded letter to their local newspaper in which they will make it clear that we’re all going to ‘hell in a handcart’.
“These cuts could affect our whole way of life,” said tearful focaccia producer Miriam Knowsley-Young of Cheltenham.
“My customers consider it a basic human right to be able to read the papers outside a delicatessen, while drinking a Macchiato and munching on a focaccia topped with goats cheese and roasted aubergine.”
“I’m concerned that if they go ahead with these planned benefit cuts, my customers will be reduced to pre-packed sandwiches and a cappuccino at Cafe Nero. It’s unseemly.”
Many middle-class voters have expressed concern at the plans, with one lady telling us, “When I voted Conservative, I really didn’t realise that it would have any negative impact upon my lifestyle.”
“I heard mention of swingeing cuts in benefits, but assumed that they would be focussing on not giving money to all the immigrants and long term unemployed, not taking it away from hard working home makers like myself and the other ladies here on the lane.”
A government spokesman has expressed sympathy for the plight of middle class families, but has said tough decisions have to be made.
“We understand the concerns of the comfortably off, but we all have to make sacrifices and I’m afraid a few less trips to Tuscany is a price we all have to pay.”