Monday 9 August 2010

Jimmy Bullard joins Robinson and Brown in International retirement


Following announcements by Paul Robinson and Wes Brown, Jimmy Bullard has pushed the England team into further disarray by announcing his retirement from International football.

The un-capped midfielder spoke of his intention to focus on being not-quite-as-good as Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard for his club Hull City, without the distraction of being not-quite-as-good as them for England.

His announcement marks the loss of three hugely significant members of Capello’s recent squads, each of whom has brought their own unique abilities to the International arena.

England Fan Shane Green told us, “Watching Wes Brown play for England always made me feel like I could also make it at the top of the professional game.  And I lost a leg ten years ago in an industrial accident.”

“And Paul Robinson’s career has shown amateur keepers up and down the country that there is no such thing as a ‘good’ goalkeeper, and that flapping at crosses, dropping shots and letting in soft goals is perfectly normal.”

“But worst of all is Bullard.  We are a nation of slack-jawed footballing simpletons, and who will we look up to now?”

England

Following the retirement of three such key individuals, England manager Fabio Capello has had to go back to the drawing board with his plans for Euro 2012.

“Who will pick up the bibs after training now?” he asked reporters.

“Who will stand in the wall when the good players want to practise free-kicks.  It is a new selection head-ache, for sure.”

“They might think they are doing the right thing for themselves and the country, but my one word of warning would be that every time a professional footballer retires from international competition, it puts Phil Neville one place closer to a recall.”

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