Friday 6 August 2010 by Spacey

Thousands enquire about drug driving lessons


The Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency have sought to clarify the confusion surrounding the governments proposed drug driving tests, after it was inundated with enquiries about where people can receive lessons.

The government has announced plans to trial a new ‘drug driving test’ after figures showed that many intoxicated drivers had received no official training.

A DVLA spokesperson “There has been confusion as to what these tests actually involve.”

“It appears people have confused drug driving tests with drug driving tests. So we would like to clarify the situation and make it clear that the trial is running drug driving tests and not running drug driving tests, like some of you have assumed.”

Drug driving

The nation’s army of drug users have reacted to the DVLA’s announcement with excitement.

“It’s a drug driving test, but it’s not a drug driving test?! That sounds mental! Where do I get one?” Said one highly enthusiastic drug driver.

Another explained, “Yeah, it’s pretty hard to negotiate the road when your passengers are Jesus, a lizard man from the planet Croton, a talking dog named Alan, and the approaching tunnel looks like a huge pulsating vagina with a revolving clown’s head on top.”

“Anything that can help me cope with this and safely navigate my journey to work at the Treasury every morning can only be a good thing.”

The test is to be implemented on the back of a review by Sir Peter North, which concluded that the drug-driving problem was “out of all proportion” to the official figures.

It is to concentrate on different aspects of driving while you’re ripped to the back-tits on a cocktail of drugs, “No it isn’t! It’s a drug driving test not a drug driving test! How much clearer can I be?” Reiterated an exasperated DVLA spokeswoman.

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