Friday 6 August 2010 By Jeff Nicols

Terrorists ‘sick of being treated like photographers’


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Terrorist organisations have hit out at the police crackdown on citizen journalism which has led to radical extremists across the country being treated like common photographers.

Police forces have been taking an extremely tough stance against any members of the public wishing to take photographs of public buildings and public places, leaving many would-be terrorists unhappy at the implication they are also photographers.

As one member of a Coventry-based Al Qaeda cell explained to us, “I resent being treated like I’m some sort of photographer.  The officer who stopped me had absolutely no evidence that mere photography was my intention, so what right did he have to detain me and delete my photographs.”

“Photographers are a blight on society, and obviously I damn them all to Hell, but I find the assumption that carrying a camera makes me some sort of ‘photographer’ insulting in the extreme.”

“I am just here trying to do a job for my cell in finding a suitable target to blow up among all you the godless infidels, but how can I do that when every policeman I see immediately assumes I’m a photographer?”

Photographs

A spokesperson for the London Met Police sought to clarify the situation, telling reporters, “We apologise to any non-photographers who are classified as such by our officers, but these a trying times in which photographers present a significant risk to society.”

“I am sure you can understand officers making the assumption that you are a photographer when they see you carrying a camera, so please bear with us and try to explain fully why you are not, in fact, a photographer.”

An Al Qaeda spokeswoman said, “We have been left with no choice but start recruiting jihadis with a particular gift for drawing.”

“We’ve found that our operatives can avoid suspicion of being a photographer by setting up an easel pretty much anywhere in central London, without any hassle at all – well, apart from a few passers by asking us to do their picture.”

“So we get excellent coverage of our potential targets, and also make a few quid from gullible tourists.”

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