Friday 6 August 2010

Marlon King hoping to rebuild reputation as a disappointing footballer


Following his early release from prison where he served less than a year for sexually assaulting a woman in a nightclub, Marlon King has said he will fight tooth and nail to rebuild his reputation as a thoroughly disappointing footballer.

King was jailed for 18 months after being convicted of sexually assaulting the 20-year-old woman and punching her in the face and breaking her nose, an incident which he says has drawn attention aware from his distinctly mediocre sporting ability.

The former Wigan Athletic player told reporters, “I’ve had a lot of time to reflect, but rather than admit I was wrong, I intend to show everyone that despite all of this, I am still a truly average sportsman, and capable of thoroughly unspectacular performances for pretty much any mid-table team.”

“I don’t want people to think of Marlon King as a sex pest, I want them to think of him as that centre-forward that missed that golden chance in the big derby match, or who nodded wide that time when it would have been easier to score.”

“And I will be working extra hard to make my dream of again becoming a truly underwhelming performer, come true.”

Prison

Despite serving a lengthy prison term, fans of many below average teams have suggested a rehabilitated Marlon King could be just the sort of disappointing signing their team need.

Northampton Town fan Spencer Potts said, “I know he was found guilty of a serious crime, but as long as he’s missing guilt-edged chances for my team he’ll get my full support.”

“And if you look past the whole sex pest thing, there is clearly a truly average footballer looking for some sort of redemption.”

“Let me assure him, two season spent here and everyone will once again begin to think of him as the truly disappointing footballer he so clearly is.”

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