Thursday 5 August 2010

Naomi Campbell summoned to appear before fashion crimes tribunal


Naomi Campbell has been summoned to appear before a specially convened fashion crimes court, with her defence attorney already intimating they will plead that she was only following the orders of her many poncey designers.

The trial, which is expect to last several months, will take a detailed look at the monstrous outfits worn by Campbell, with some of the more serious alleged offences dating back to 1986.

Before her first court appearance, Campbell told reporters, “This whole trial is a sham.  You punch one airport worker in the face and suddenly you’re a criminal. This is an absolutely farce.”

“I only ever did what I was told, I followed orders like the good model I was trained to be!  So why haven’t you got the designers up here, eh? I’m just a patsy, I’m A PATSY!” she screamed as she was led away by court officials.

Crimes

The prosecution are expected to focus on a particularly devastating fashion spree from the mid-nineties, in which Campbell is thought to have shown little regard for for the safety and comfort of those around her.

Lead prosecutor Dwight Ivanhoe told reporters, “She wore not only ugly clothes, but also extremely dangerous clothes, with selected outfits causing her to fall on her arse on more than one occasion.”

“This is a woman who claimed hundreds of thousands of pounds whilst continually dressing like a retard given thirty minutes with a roll of coloured cellophane.”

“We don’t buy the ‘following orders’ routine.  She could have said no at any point.  She should have said no.  And now she will pay the price.”

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