Wednesday 4 August 2010

McDonald’s to launch Bacon Double Clone Burger


McDonald’s have reacted to the news that cloned meat has entered the UK food chain by announcing the launch of the Bacon Double Clone Burger, made from solely animals that are exactly the same.

The moves comes after a Food Standards Agency inquiry into milk from a cow produced from a cloned parent identified two cloned bulls born in the UK, one of which was used for food.

The Food Standards Agency has been quick to allay fears, telling reporters, “To be honest, I’m not sure where people are getting the idea that until today the food chain was a magical place full of disease-free contented animals who only became food of their own free will.”

“The fact that there is a clone in there somewhere should literally be the least of your worries about what goes in your mouth.”

The new McDonald’s burger will go on sale this weekend, with a spokesman explaining, “You probably don’t want to know too much about what exactly is in it, so we won’t go into specifics.”

“Except to say it’s definitely got some meat in there, and a laboratory was involved somewhere along the way.  Oh, and it’s only 99p and you get a free cloned toy with it.”

Cloned meat

Former meat eaters have been left shocked by the development of the new burger, many feeling it has vindicated their decision to become pompous pricks at every dinner party they attend.

Newly-vegetarian Tarqiuin Shilton-Smythe said, “I think it’s disgusting.  If I’m going to eat an animal again, I want to know that its pitiful existence from conception to death was entirely unique, not that it was based on some blueprint of what went before it.”

“How can I enjoy a good steak when I know that someone else has enjoyed that exact same steak already?”

Daily Mail reader Tracey Wilks said, “This is a travesty, eating cloned burgers will almost certainly lead me to getting that Asylum Seeker AIDS I’ve read so much about lately.”

However, one nutrition expert tried to put some perspective on the matter, telling consumers, “Cloned meat is probably the least dangerous thing you will stuff in your gluttonous face today.”

“So how about you start looking at all the other shite you incessantly wolf down before worrying if the animal ground up in your burger looked an awful lot like its ‘parent’.”

“Let me repeat, there is absolutely no evidence that cloned meat is dangerous, but please don’t let that stop you wailing like a fucking moron, will you.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: