Thursday 29 July 2010

The obese left distraught at news they are also fat


Obese individuals everywhere have reacted with shock after England’s public health minister Anne Milton told doctors to start informing patients they are also ‘fat’, a connection very few obese people had previously made.

The idea is expected to reap huge benefits among those who do not know what obese means, do not own a dictionary, or never give in to the creeping desire to look up a doctor’s diagnosis on the Internet.

One such individual, nineteen stone Shelly Walters, 28, told us, “Are you now telling me I am fat?  When the doctor told me I was morbidly obese I thought he was just saying I was big-boned.  I had absolutely no idea.”

“Thank God Mrs Milton has brought this into the public domain, I thought obese was just a quicker was of saying ‘of bubbly personality’.”

Dave Williams, a rotund man from Brighton told us, “I was diagnosed as clinically obese back in 2004, but I was pretty sure it was some sort of genetic disorder.  And if it’s genetic there’s nothing you can do about it, right?”

“No, I’ve not changed my diet.  Why?”

Obesity

Mrs. Milton is today also expected to tell psychiatrists that they should top using the term ‘mentally ill’ and return to using more commonly understood phrases like ‘raving nutjob’ and ‘gurning lunatic’.

Retired GP Gerald Davies had the last word, telling reporters, “Let’s be honest, if we lose a few people who don’t know that obese and fat mean the same thing, then is society really going to suffer all that much?”

“I mean, we’re unlikely to be losing the cure to cancer here, are we.”

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