Tuesday 27 July 2010 By Gary Stanton

Wikileaks confirms Frank at 12 did have fling with ‘fancy woman’ at 16


Wikileaks last night blew the lid on the sordid carry-on between driving instructor, Frank Wilson, 42, of Horwich, and the woman who lives four doors down from the terraced home he shares with wife Lynn and their three children.

A detailed report weighing in at fifty pages outlines how Wilson would leave the family home at 9pm every evening claiming he was taking the dog for a walk, but would stop off for a bit of how’s your father at the home of Natalie Clarke, a primary school teacher at nearby St John’s.

The document also accuses Wilson of professional irregularities, claiming he would regularly use up ten minutes of the hour allocated to a driving lesson to fill up his car with petrol and encouraged female pupils to see him as a ‘sort of father figure’.

He would position himself as someone to whom they could take their problems; always there – a shoulder to cry on.

He also lied about a first time pass-rate of ninety percent for ‘Uncle Frank’s Safe Hands Driving School’, when the actual figure was closer to forty two percent, with very few pupils seeking to retake their test.

Impropriety

However, the report reserves its harshest words for Wilson’s sexual impropriety accusing him of crimes against the sanctity of marriage and of routinely having a good time while the rest of us are stuck in suffocating, joyless partnerships.

Frank, meanwhile, has insisted the report is a fiction, telling local reporters, “To use the word ‘crimes’ is going a bit far,”

“It’s true, Natalie is pretty broadminded and over the course of the last six months we have sought between us to redefine the parameters of human sexuality, but we’ve done nowt illegal.”

“Not that I’m a qualified solicitor or anything.”

Damaging

Prime minister David Cameron has described the leaks as hugely damaging and has urged Wilson to change the name of his driving school to something slightly less sleazy.

Speaking after Prime Minister’s Questions, he said, “These leaks obviously come from a very reliable source – the Internet.”

“And whilst I would not like to prejudice the findings of a full enquiry, I would ask Frank whether he believes what is described on page twenty-six of the report to be the right and proper use of a partially-defrosted chicken from the Sainsbury’s Taste The Difference range, irrespective of what he did with the barbecue sauce.”

This morning Mr Wilson wanted it made clear that new learners would receive their first lesson free as part of his Safe Hands Summer Giveaway.

“Anyway – it was a Poussin.” he concluded, “Spatchcocked. I wish people would get their facts right.”

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