Tuesday 27 July 2010 by Spacey

Charcoal briquette crisis grips London as BP garages remain closed


Residents of London were left wondering where their next barbecue was coming from after Greenpeace activists forced the closure of fifty BP garages across the capital.

Environmental group Greenpeace said it had forced closures in fifty BP stations in the city in protest at the way it goes about just about everything it does.

One disgruntled driver explained, “I don’t need any petrol, but I really need some charcoal briquettes for the pitiful barbecue I was planning in my tiny yard this evening. Christ knows what I’m going to do now.”

“They might think they’re hurting BP, but really they’re hurting ordinary London barbecuers like me.”

It isn’t just the lack of barbecue accessories that has caused chaos amongst London’s busy population.

“I’ve been on the piss all afternoon,” said 34 year old Graham Ampney, “So if I don’t find somewhere else to get a cheap bunch of daffodils and a box of Terry’s All Gold as a peace offering for the wife, then I’m screwed.”

Greenpeace

A BP spokesman described Greenpeace’s actions as “irresponsible and childish” and went on to say “Petrol is only a small part of the service that BP offers its customers.”

“It’s not really the drivers that are inconvenienced by their actions. What about the people who need overpriced and ultimately disappointing sandwiches? Or the people who want to watch a budget DVD of a TV movie starring a famous actor before they were famous?”

“They are the people who are really hurting tonight, and it’s those individuals that I feel sorry for”

Greenpeace have apologised to the people that have been left disappointed in their search for a tinned all day breakfast and some Go-cat, but maintain that the action is necessary in the protest against BP’s environmentally-reckless approach to negotiating severance packages.

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