Monday 26 July 2010

BP’s Tony Hayward seeking new scapegoat opportunities


Professional scapegoat and current BP chief executive Tony Hayward is expected to stand down this week, and is said to be looking for new opportunities to which he can bring his own unique brand of scapegoat expertise.

His negotiated exit from BP is likely to see the company’s reputation soar, as the blame for the worst oil spill in living memory is placed firmly on the shoulders of someone who had little, if any, direct involvement in the incident.

Employment expert Wilfred Hamilton-Smythe told us, “What Tony Hayward offers potential employers is a unique opportunity to foist the errors of a global conglomerate onto the shoulders of one single individual.”

“If you have had some sort of PR disaster, you generally have the option of undergoing a root and branch restructuring process across your entire organisation, designed entirely to prevent such incidents from ever happening again.  Or you can just ‘fire’ someone with a high enough profile.”

“And if you are looking for a senior figure to be that scapegoat who takes the fall, then Tony Hayward could be absolutely perfect for you.”

Opportunities

The opportunity to recruit Tony Hayward as a board level scapegoat has attracted the attention of many large multinationals with a recent history of bungled product launches.

Apple Chief Executive Steve Jobs told reporters, “Had we known about this a little earlier we’d have put Tony in charge of antenna design on our new range of iPhone 4s.”

“Sure, he might not have been involved in the actual design, implementation, manufacture or distribution of the antennas, but that wouldn’t mean we couldn’t stand him up there and fire him in a public show of our commitment to pleasing our customers and shareholders.”

“Maybe we’ll put him in charge of the iPad 2, just in case.”

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