Wednesday 21 July 2010

The rise of Justin Bieber also ‘not BP’s fault’ clarifies Cameron


After informing enquiring US Senators that the early release of the Lockerbie bomber was not BP’s fault, the prime minister has taken the unusual step of listing other things that are definitely not the fault of BP.

David Cameron spoke after meeting with US president Barack Obama, a three hour face-to-face in which it was also agreed that BP had not been responsible for the deaths of coalition troops in Afghanistan, the rise of Justin Bieber, or the disappointing conclusion to the Lost television franchise.

Cameron told the White House press corps, “After a productive meeting, I would like to make clear that neither myself or the president hold BP responsible for the lack of sex drive in pandas, Jennifer Aniston’s inability to find a boyfriend, or the fact that milk always seems to smell a bit funny even before its use by date.”

“We know you like a good scapegoat, but rest assured that BP will be held accountable only for the millions of livelihoods it has ruined and marine wildlife it has killed.”

Press conference

During an aggressive question and answer session Cameron was bombarded with enquiries about BP’s involvement in any number of unwelcome recent phenomena.

A New York times journalist asked, “Mr prime minister, can you comment on claims that BP genetically engineered Simon Cowell?”

The Chicago Tribune asked, “Mr Cameron, can you categorically deny that BP where in any way involved in the film career of Ben Affleck?”

The press conference descended into farce when the prime minister was unable to give a definitive denial regarding the role BP played in counting Floridian votes during the 2000 US Presidential election.

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