Tuesday 20 July 2010

Star Trek fans bemoan invention of silent and invisible laser


After US firm Raytheon unveiled its silent and invisible anti-aircraft laser at the Farnborough Airshow in Hampshire, Star Trek fans everywhere insisted this was a bad day for the fictional gun fights of the future.

Fans of the entirely made-up show claim that the new laser developments render much of their obsessively crafted fan-fiction entirely obsolete.

Shane Morrow, 29 explained, “Star Trek was never known for its high quality special effects, but really, can you imagine a gun fight in which you can’t see or hear the lasers?  Just people randomly falling over saying they’d been lasered.  It would be rubbish.”

“How will you know if someone just fell over, or if they’ve secretly been lasered by a laser-sniper.  They really haven’t thought this through at all.”

Suggestions have already been made to see if Raytheon could implement some sort of sound effect alongside the weapon, with many advocating “something like a high-pitched woman saying ‘Dew’ really loudly”.

Deadly

A Raytheon spokesperson explained that the silent and invisible nature of the laser ‘was sort of the point’, telling reporters, “If your aim is to kill the enemy, then silent, invisible and deadly is very much the aim.”

“If you want to entertain twenty-five year old virgins who still live with their parents, then by all means build a booming bright red laser with a ‘stun’ setting.  But we don’t sell to twenty-five year old virgins, for clarification.”

“If they’re unhappy with the way we are influencing science fiction then might I remind them that in space, where there is no air, everything is silent.  Any explosion they’ve ever heard is a complete fabrication.”

“Now stop crying, your mum wants you to run to the grocery store, there’s a good boy.”

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