Tuesday 20 July 2010

Government to simplify way in which it takes all your money


The “spaghetti bowl” of UK tax law is to be simplified to make it easier for the Government to take everything you have, whilst giving George Osborne the ability to have the faintest idea what is going on.

The Chancellor is setting up the Office for Tax Simplification whose sole responsibility will be to explain to the Chancellor where all this money is coming from, and how they can make it easier to get it.

He told reporters that “Britain has one of the most complex and opaque tax codes in the world, and I for one have the most tenuous of grasps on how it all works.”

“This new office will not only be responsible for explaining to me where all the tax comes from, the through the use of simple analogies involving biscuits, but it will also ensure it’s more difficult for you to avoid giving me all that lovely money.”

“I have a dream, a dream in which every man, woman and child can understand how I am taking all of their money, a dream in which I know how I’m doing it.”

Opposition

The government says the tax system became a “hindrance” to George Osborne under Labour and that by simplifying it and making it easier to understand, it will be easier for George Osborne to do the job for which he was selected.

However opposition politicians have suggested this is the beginning of the end for Osborne, saying, “Telling people exactly how much you’re taking from them is never, ever, a good idea.”

“For some unfathomable reason he seems to think that knowing who is taking your money, how they’re doing it, and making it easier for them to do so is going to delight everyone.”

“Actually, I think I’ll keep quiet and just see how this one pans out.”

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