Monday 19 July 2010

Vince Cable takes charge of Department of The Bloody Obvious


Minister for the Blindingly Obvious, Vince Cable, this morning took charge of his new department by declaring that Banks are continuing to rip off their customers.

The new department, created to give the impression that Cable is actually part of the Government, will be responsible for telling the public things they already know and are perfectly aware of.

Starting with the fact that banks are ripping off customers, Cable’s remit extends to telling the public that tomorrow is Tuesday and informing them of the Pope’s religious persuasion during the upcoming Papal visit.

Cable told reporters, “I would like to start by saying that my name is Vincent, and I am a politician.  You are reporters, and today is Monday.”

“I would also like to mention that the Earth is the third planet from the Sun, televisions use electricity and that the banks are ripping you off.”

“We will have more for you in tomorrow’s statement.”

Expectation

The public reaction to Cable’s new role has been mixed, with many left confused by what they have heard from him so far.

Joe Plumber of Swansea explained, “It’s the first time I remember nodding my head to everything a politician said.  Yet I don’t appear to know anything I didn’t already know before he started talking.”

Terry Livesy of Northampton told us, “Here is a politician who has told us nothing but the truth, and yet I still think he’s useless.  What’s up with that?”

When questioned about his new role, Cable told reporters, “The purpose of this department?  Oh, it’s to satisfy the many Lid Dems who insisted I have a role in the coalition Government even though it appears I have no actual power whatsoever.  But I’m sure you already knew that.”

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