Monday 19 July 2010

Cameron outlines plan to get you to do everything


David Cameron will today launch his “big society” drive, a programme designed to get you to do absolutely everything, leaving you to blame for everything when it inevitably goes wrong.

The programme’s central theme is about creating ‘people power’ by letting all of the morons around you have a greater say in everything that happens in your community.

A Conservative insider explained, “This is an ambitious project in which you will do all the work, then when it goes wrong you will take all of the blame.”

“We do less work, spend less and avoid being at fault for everything for the first time in living history.  I fail to see how this is not a brilliant, brilliant idea.”

“People shouldn’t read too much into the fact that we’re asking people to do lots of stuff for free, just as we’re cutting the funding for just about everything.  It’s a coincidence.  I promise.”

Opposition

Many residents in the areas due to trial the scheme are already unhappy about the changes being proposed by those with newly acquired powers.

Harry Shearer, 59 of Maidenhead explained, “My neighbour Dennis is really keen, and already has blueprints for a massive new statue he’ll build in the town centre which will be half Katie Price, half fish.”

“Another wants to turn the library into a replica Big Brother house.  And believe me, this is just the beginning.”

“You see, this is what happens when you let deluded idiots get even the remotest sense of power.  Having a say in how a local pub is run is literally the least amount of power I have ever seen go to someone’s head – yet they’re completely drunk on it.”

“I have a novel idea, how about the Government gets on with doing the job we almost elected them to do, eh?”

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