Thursday 15 July 2010

Graduates to be given another reason to bitch and moan


The nation’s graduates are preparing a whole new raft of whiny complaints after business secretary Vince Cable suggested that a graduate tax might be used to pay for University fees.

A tax on the higher earnings of graduates is just one of the options being considered, along with forcibly selling their kidneys to wealthy Asian businessmen, and putting them forward for risky state-sponsored drug trials.

Cable explained to reporters that the proposed tax would be fairer on all graduates, saying, “The approximately 80% of graduates who work for a fast food chain will end up paying considerably less than the one lucky guy who gets to work at daddy’s bank.”

“I think you’d agree that we’re all about fairness, and in fairness this is pretty fair.”

Complaints

Graduate recruiters have said this is just one more reason for them to despise the very people they are forced to work with.

As one explained, “We already have to deal with a watermelon sized chip on their shoulder because someone who joined us straight from school earns more than they do on the day they join us.”

“And now you’ve given them yet another reason to bitch and moan to me, all day, every day.  Thank you very much Vince Cable.”

Non-graduate Terry Jones, 32, told us, “Look, how about you pay for the education you chose to take, and I don’t repeatedly punch you in the face.  Deal?”

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