Wednesday 14 July 2010

Shotgun wielding ten year-olds are perfectly safe, insist Police


Police have today told the public that despite children as young as ten being given shotgun licences in the east of England, everyone is completely safe and there is still absolutely nothing to worry about.

The minimum age for holding a shotgun licence is 10, and the minimum age for obtaining a firearms licence is 14, ensuring children get four years practise with a perfectly harmless shotgun before being allowed to play with a real firearm.

A police spokesperson explained, “A ten year old is unlikely to shoot you over a disagreement about a will, or because they think their ex is having an affair with a policeman.”

“No, they’re much more likely to shoot you because you’ve cheated at ‘tag’ or because they think you stole one of their football stickers.  So just try not to do either of those things around gun-wielding children.”

“The point I’m making is that putting deadly weapons in the hands of children who are still some years away from puberty is definitely not a bad idea.”

Safety

Gun lobbyists insist that making children comfortable with guns is an important part of creating a safe society for all of us.

Pro-gun campaigners Terrence Stock explained, “Ten is the perfect age to introduce deadly weapons into the life of a child, because by the time they reach adulthood they will be extremely good with guns – and by ‘good’ I mean know not to use them all the time, rather than being particularly adept at using them.”

However most sane individuals think a nation of armed children is a terrible, dreadful, terrifying idea.

Mother of three Sheila Jones told reporters, “It’s hard enough getting him to tidy his room as it is, without knowing that he’s packing heat.”

“And if you think Raoul Moat was good at hiding, you try to find a ten-year old who doesn’t want to be found after a murderous rampage.  They literally train for this sort of thing all the time.”

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