Tuesday 13 July 2010

We play make believe as well as any man, insist women vicars


Female vicars have welcomed the Church of England’s decision to allow women bishops, insisting that they can play big-boss make believe as well as any man.

The General Synod rules that women vicars can be ordained as bishops, and that no concessions will be given to traditionalists who insisted proper make-believe can only be done by a man

Sheila Jones, a female vicar from Derby told us, “If anything we’re even better at playing make believe and having an imaginary friend than any man – it’s genetics.”

“Look, I could tell you that a big magic man in the sky will grant you wishes if you ask him nicely whilst holding your hands together, and you’d totally buy it.  I’ve got one of those faces.  And a purple frock.”

Concessions

The Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, and Archbishop of York, John Sentamu, had backed a compromise plan, which would have allowed parishes to call upon the oversight of a male alternative if they were uncomfortable listening made up stuff from a woman.

Williams told reporters, “There are many members of our church that have grown up listening to men make up stories about a non-existent sky fairy, and I felt strongly they should have their fictional deity needs catered for by the Church of England.”

Regular church-goer Rory Letwin told us, “This is a sad day for the Church.  To me, make-believe will always be associated with men in dresses and big pointy hats.  It just doesn’t feel right having a woman telling me nice fluffy stories about an imaginary omnipotent being.”

“I didn’t like it when Jackanory had women story-tellers, and I don’t like it now.”

“I didn’t want to do this, but the church have forced me to start looking elsewhere for my make-believe needs from now on.”

A spokesperson for the Secular Society said, “Look, if we’re going to accuse you of perpetuating a myth about a made-up deity with magic powers that clearly doesn’t exist, let’s not add sexism to the charges, eh?”

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