Tuesday 6 July 2010

Being good at football made Rooney bad at football, claims Ferguson


Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has claimed that the reason Wayne Rooney performed so badly at the World Cup is because being so good at football meant people expected him to be good at football.

Ferguson, speaking to reporters ahead of pre-season training, explained, “Wayne is really good at football, which means people tend to expect you to be good at football, which can sometimes make you really bad at football, which makes it appear like you’re actually really bad at football, when in reality you’re really good at football.  Get it?”

“I guess it’s philosophical more than anything.  If a multi-millionaire footballer plays really badly and everyone on the planet sees it, is he really shit?  I’m not sure I know the answer to that, but what I do know is that Wayne Rooney is really good at football.”

“So if people could just stop insisting that he is really good at football all the time, he can get back to being really good at football all of the time.  When he’s playing for me.”

Ferguson

The strange paradox postulated by Ferguson has caused some of the greatest minds in the world to consider the dilemma of Wayne Rooney’s form.

“It’s a bit like Schrodinger’s Cat,” said Professor Stephen Hawking during a Cambridge speech.

“Is Wayne Rooney only shit because we are observing him?  Can we consider Wayne Rooney to be both really rubbish and really good – at the same time – and only by our simple act of observation does he in fact become shit?”

“Or is he just a vastly over-rated footballer undeserving of the lavish praise afforded him by a desperately myopic club manager?”

“I will leave the answer up to you.”

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