Monday 5 July 2010 By Oli Spoon

Lebanon announces Hezbollah’s Got Talent search for Ayatollah replacement


After the death of their beloved spiritual leader Grand Ayatollah Mohammed Hussein Fadlallah, Hezbollah have announced that the search for his divine replacement will take the form of entertainment/reality search-for-a-cleric TV programme, Hezbollah’s Got Talent.

As Lebanon’s top Shia Muslim cleric, Fadlallah was seen as a key figure in the founding of militant group Hezbollah, and died this week at the age of 74.

“He was like a second father to me,” said one mourner, “Not that I ever got a card on my birthday from him, or that he ever came to one of my soccer matches, but he was pretty insistent when it came to ensuring I agreed with him on absolutely everything – just like my real Dad.”

According to one regional Hezbollah arms dealer, “The Ayatollah will be hard to replace, but I genuinely believe that ‘Hezbollah’s Got Talent’ will ensure we get the right candidate for the job.”

“I for one am hoping for a dancing rescued dog act, or a whole dance class who have fought against poverty and abuse – I do feel that only those candidates with an intriguing back-story in which they overcame severe adversity to be here have a realistic chance.”

Alternative

However some Lebanese residents, such as goat-farmer Sami, feel that this particular format is unlikely to succeed in selecting an appropriate spiritual leader.

“How is such a holy leader of men supposed to demonstrate his leadership qualities in three or four short appearances where he could be buzzed off at any moment by an over-eager C-List celebrity?”

“I always thought that a big brother style show would allow for a more objective assessment of their spiritual credentials, rather than a knee-jerk stage-show format.”

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