Monday 5 July 2010

Government urged to cut 40% of Tony Blair’s security


As the Government presses ahead with requests to all departments to present plans for 40% budget cuts, everyone has suggested that leaving former Prime Minister Tony Blair unprotected for a few hours day would be an excellent cost saving.

It is estimated that it costs £250,000 a year to keep Tony Blair free from harm, with many observers suggesting that money could be better spent, mainly in acquiring things with which to hurt him.

One auditor explained, “We’re talking severe budget cuts in all government areas here, so Mr Blair must face his fare share of the cuts.”

“We’re not asking to remove his security detail entirely, just that they only protect him from 10pm till 3pm each day, and not at all on weekends.”

“From 3pm to 10pm each day Mr Blair would have to make his own security arrangements, or find somewhere secure where he could stay.”

“One alternative is to offer him a place in solitary confinement in one of the country’s top security ‘facilities’.”

“No-one would reach him there, with the added bonus of it being just the sort of thing we were hoping would happen as a result of the Iraq Inquiry.”

Fantastic

Many tax payers feel that having a completely unprotected Tony Blair, even for just seven hours a day, is easily worth another million people unemployed that the cuts will generate elsewhere.

Shop fitter Dave Blackie told us, “Sure, I might spend every day at the dole office, but that would be made all the more bearable by spending seven hours each evening conducting a Blair hunt.”

“Any time not spent in a dole queue with other unemployed people, waiting to be told I can’t have any money, would be spent planning that weekend’s Blair hunt, which I’m sure would prove popular with pretty much everyone, everywhere.”

“It’s all about the thrill of the hunt though.  Once we caught him we’d obviously let him go, just so that we could catch him again the following evening.  We’re not animals.”

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