Wednesday 30 June 2010

I think Wales probably needs tidying, nation tells Justice Secretary


Justice Secretary Ken Clarke has been told that if he intends to put more prisoners on Community Service programmes then he should think about sending them all to Wales, which is looking a little bit scruffy at the moment.

In his first major speech since taking office, Mr Clarke has said that prison has too often proved “a costly and ineffectual approach that fails to turn criminals into law-abiding citizens, and so it would be better all round if we put them to work in our communities instead.”

Though several thousand free workers would normally be of great interest to most people, communities everywhere have been quick to point out that they’re fine and don’t need anything doing, thank you very much.

Sheila Thorpe, 45 of Woking, said, “We’re absolutely fine here in England, and really don’t need anything doing in our community, so it’s best you send them where they can do the most good.  In Wales.”

“Fifty thousand well-motivated free cleaners is just what Wales needs right now.”

Community Service

However, the move has not been entirely welcomed in Wales, with many feeling this kind altruistic gesture by the English penal system would be put to better use elsewhere.

Cardiff resident Daffyd Jones told us, “No, there’s not need for that now, we’re perfectly fine.  Honest.  Though I do hear on the grapevine that Glasgow is looking a bit messy at the moment, I’m sure that all these lovely free not-dangerous-at-all workers would be better deployed up there.”

Glasgow resident Shane McDonald felt this was entirely unnecessary, explaining, “Yes it’s a bit of a mess at the moment, but we like it that way.  We know where everything is and that’s best for everyone.”

“Surely we can find something else for them to do.  I hear that Australia needs some free gardeners, and best of all there’s a bit of a precedent for this type of thing.”

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