The US Supreme court has upheld the constitutional right to bear arms after Chicago tried to ban handguns in a feeble attempt to stop people getting murdered all of the time.
The US’s highest court ruled by 5-4 that a ban on handgun ownership in the city of Chicago was unconstitutional, and that all US citizens had the right to be just seconds from flipping out and indiscriminately killing everyone around them.
The judges ruling explained, “A well-armed militia is ingrained in our constitution – and clearly it works, I mean how many times have we been invaded in the last couple of hundred years? Hmmm?”
Gun enthusiast Chuck Spielberg told reporters, “It’s about personal freedoms, and I would happily die for your right to own the weapons with which you could happily kill me if you wanted to.”
“So what if a dozen or so people get murdered every day in America using guns that could easily be banned. Those murderers are merely exercising their second amendments rights as enshrined in the constitution.”
“As far as I’m concerned, a few thousand preventable deaths is a price worth paying to allow people to exercise their constitutional right to make our country a terrifying place to live.”
Chairman of the National Rifle Association Charlton Heston said, “This is a great day for American democracy – the feeling of finely crafted, fully loaded cold hard steel in your hand is what makes this country what it is. Murder capital of the western world.”
“The framers of our constitution clearly wanted me to be packing heat three hundred years later, and I am not so arrogant as to assume I know better than some men who would have shit themselves at the mere sight of an aeroplane.”
“In fact, I own more guns that I can carry at any one time, such is my complete dedication to the type of democracy the envisaged.”
“You have to remember that guns don’t kill people, guns just make it extremely easy for some people to kill other people whilst accidentally killing some other people in the crossfire.”