Monday 28 June 2010

Uruguayan ref insists Carlisle has not crossed line into England


Uruguayan referee Jorge Larrionda has this morning controversially insisted that Carlisle is actually still part of Scotland, after pointing out that at no stage did he see the Cumbrian city cross the line into England.

The announcement has shocked millions of people, for whom Carlisle is clearly a city in northern Cumbria, nearly ten miles across the line into England.

Referee Larrionda told reporters, “Just because tens of thousands residents, and several million map owners believe it to have crossed the line into England does not mean it is part of England.”

“The simple fact is that I did not see it go over the line into England and therefore it remains Scottish.”

FIFA

FIFA president Sepp Blatter backed his referee, insisting the use of technology to decide where towns are is not necessary for everyone to enjoy Geography.

He explained, “Just because we have the technology available to us does not mean we should use it to determine wither Carlisle is over the English line or not.”

“So what if we have GPS, satellite imagery and Google maps – is it not better to let a single fallible individual decide the fate of thousands and thousands of people?  Hmm?”

“Sure, if we showed him a GPS readout, or the sort of map any man on the street could buy for a fiver he would probably agree that Carlisle is part of England – but we prefer to go with his first impression,”

“An impression gained from a mediocre vantage point several thousand miles away from the line itself.”

The news has disappointed many Cumbrian resident, with one man telling us, “This decision has really crossed a line – which is a shame because now the authorities probably won’t even see it.”

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