Friday 18 June 2010

I’ll run the best school ever – until my child leaves, confirm parents


Parents across the country have reacted positively to the Government’s plans to let them run their own schools, claiming they will run the best school this country has ever seen, right up until the point that their child leaves, when they will probably lose interest.

Education Secretary Michael Gove says the new independent schools will help close the huge gap between the amount parents care about their own children, and how much the average tax payer cares about those children.

Gove told reporters,”This is an important step in removing the almost laughable façade that we give any sort of toss about the average child’s education.”

“What we will be looking for from parents wanting to run their own school is a detailed curriculum, a confirmed location, and some form of promise that they will fight the entirely understandable desire to piss off the very second they have no vested interest left in the school.”

Felicity Downing, a parent keen on the scheme said, “Yes, I will dedicate my life to making this new school the very beacon of educational excellence, right up until my Sophie gets her GCSEs.  Then I’ll obviously want to sell off the land in the hope of saving about £20 on my council tax bill.”

Failure

Though some have criticised the move. most have a begrudging respect for the ingenuity of the policy, with one Labour backbencher explaining, “It’s a very impressive move, as they are playing to the inherently selfish nature of every parent in the country, the problem they have is that they’ll now be at the mercy of the inherently selfish nature of every parent in the country.”

“I foresee a situation in about ten years time when most of these new schools resemble the hospital in Danny Boyle’s 28 Days Later.  Except with less hope.”

The policy has not been welcomed by all parents, many of whom claim to have quite a lot on already without the added workload brought on by opening and running a completely new school.

Simon Jones, a 36 year-old accountant who cares a little bit about his child’s education, told us, “How about this for a novel arrangement, I continue to pay tax at a level that makes me feel severely nauseous, and in return you make some small effort to educate my children?  Deal?”

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