As the World Cup in South African prepares to get under way this afternoon, women everywhere are expected to once again become completely invisible for the next thirty days.
Starting with the opening game – a riveting clash between hosts South Africa and some other team that might begin with an ‘M’ – men everywhere are due to develop a serious four-week bout of chronic myopia.
The phenomenon is one which has puzzled men for decades, with 28 year-old Terry Jones of London explaining, “I’m not sure what happens, but one minute she’s there, the next thing I know the opening ceremony starts and she just disappears entirely from my consciousness.”
“Sometimes, during the month of the tournament I catch a glimpse of a ghost-like figure – which could theoretically be my wife I suppose – but then Andy Townsend starts explaining why Cameroon are tactically naive and she’s immediately gone again. Where to, I have no idea.”
“To be honest I find those ethereal manifestations a little disconcerting. I’m not being haunted am I?”
The still-almost-entirely-visible wife of Terry Jones told us, “I have a theory, if you can’t instantly point to a country on a map, you shouldn’t be interested in watching them play football.”
To which Mr Jones sat bolt upright asking, “Did you hear that?! Something said the word ‘football’ – I think I AM being haunted.”
Other studies have found that women actually remain completely visible, but are somehow trapped inside what appears to be a cocoon of silence, from which no sounds can escape.
As one participant in the study explained, “Sure, I’d like to discuss plans for your sisters wedding, but for some strange reason I can’t hear you whilst the Ivory Coast are battling an injury crisis ahead of the match against North Korea.”
“Maybe you could try writing it down, and I’ll get round to it after Slovakia vs Paraguay.”