Monday 7 June 2010

Manchester United retain largest debt league title


Manchester United have ended a largely disappointing season on a high, after winning the global debt league by several hundred million pounds.

The club, who retained the title they have won for each of the last five years, crushed the opposition after surpassing last season’s total of £700m by almost half a billion pounds.

Club spokesperson Joel Glazer explained, “This is a huge victory for Manchester United.  Ever since we came to the club we’ve made it our mission to be the most heavily leveraged soccer team in history, and I think our record now speaks for itself.”

“I want to assure the fans of the club that our commitment to unassailable debt levels is absolute, and that we will do everything in our power to remain the most heavily mortgaged club in the history of sport.”

History

After an unprecedented fifth successive victory in the debt league, Manchester United fans feel there is little challenge to be offered in the domestic leagues, and have been quick to ask, where do we go from here?

One fan told us, “This is a great day for fans of Manchester United debt, but you know, you have to remember it’s a balance sheet of two halves, and at the end of the day, we’re happy so long as debt is the winner.”

“Debt is a funny old game, there a no easy loans to secure, and you’re only ever as good as your last interest statement.”

“It’s been a long hard season, but you have to trust the management have shown year on year that they have the experience needed in securing the least attractive finance arrangements the market has to offer.”

“It’s all about planning for next season.  In fact, I’ve just seen an advert on Sky for a firm doing short term loans at over 2400% APR, and so I would hope the management are looking to borrow a couple of million off them.”

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