Wednesday 19 May 2010

Clegg and Hague in early bathroom cleaning rota dispute


Cracks are beginning to appear in the coalition government after William Hague and Nick Clegg were rumoured to be in dispute over the bathroom cleaning rota a their shared official residence.

The Lib Dem and the Tory, brought together in the coalition government, will each live part-time at the 3,500-acre Chevening House estate in Kent in a time-share arrangement proposed by prime minister David Cameron.

A Downing Street insider told us, “This time-share was pitched to them in such a way that it seemed like a no-brainer, but already they’re starting to regret their decision.”

“You can’t back out though, it’s too late once you’ve signed up – which they make you do there and then.”

“They were shown this video of people enjoying themselves and told how they would effectively own their own holiday home for no cost whatsoever.  But nobody ever mentioned the cleaning rota.”

William Hague is said to have already sent two junior ministers from the Foreign office along to Chevening House to clearly label all of the food in the cupboard and freezer, with Clegg aides putting together a complex rota for all domestic chores.

Dispute

Leaked documents suggest that Foreign Minister Hague believes Deputy Prime Minister Clegg should take more bathroom cleaning responsibilities due to the fact that he has significantly more hair with which to clog drains and sinks.

“I’m like a twelve year old from the neck down,” reads the Hague memo to 10 Downing Street, “So any hair in the plug holes is clearly going to be Nick’s, not mine.”

“A 50/50 split on all bathroom cleaning is a long way from a fair and equitable solution.”

It is expected a compromise will be reached in which Clegg will grant Hague full access to his Soprano’s box set on weekends he is not there, in return for an equal split on domestic hoovering and a contribution to the fund for communal milk and other perishable goods.

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