Monday 17 May 2010

World Champions England to trial use of English players


Following their success in the Twenty20 World Cup final, new world champions England have announced the next step in their development will include the use of players born in England.

‘England’ beat Australia in the final of the competition by 7 wickets and with 3 overs remaining thanks in no small part to sort-of-English run scorers Pietersen, Kieswetter and Morgan.

However, critics of the side have pointed out that a victory using players about as English and Robert Mugabe is not the same as one using home grown talent.

An ECB spokesperson responded to the criticism telling us, “Just look at our name, we are the ‘England and Wales Cricket Board’, so we have a long and proud history of using the talent from other countries to our own advantage.”

“Yes, we considered a name change to ‘South Afengland and Ireland’, but we have decided our long term aims are better served by going with the more risky option of selecting players that are actually English.”

“I just hope the fans are ready to accept the fact that we’re going to be truly awful during this transitional phase in our development.”

Rebuilding

The trial use of English players in the England team is to begin almost immediately, with South African England coach Tim Flower telling reporters there is now a “solid base from which to build”.

He said, “Did you know that 9% of our runs in the final were scored by English born players, so that is obviously a solid base from which to build the future England cricket team.”

“We would like to see that figure as high as 25% by the next tournament with the long term aim to see the majority of runs scored by the England cricket team scored by an English player.”

“And I would also like to assure you, that despite what you might think having heard his post-match interviews, Paul Collingwood is 100% definitely English.”

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