Monday 17 May 2010

George Osborne to begin lengthy process of blaming Labour for everything


New Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne will this morning begin the lengthy process of blaming the previous Labour government for everything that goes wrong before the next election.

Osborne, who has been given the key job of pinning as much blame as is humanly possible to Alistair Darling and Gordon Brown – for as long as is possible – will begin today by accusing the previous government of lying about the national debt figures.

Political analyst Humphrey Walton told us, “Thanks to new legislation the government are bringing in that will make it practically impossible to remove them, the Con-Dems are pretty much guaranteed a five year term.”

“That’s five years in which to blame Labour for everything that goes wrong, whilst taking credit for anything that goes right.”

“Essentially we will get to a point whereby budget cuts at you local school, which were opposed by Labour, are actually Labour’s fault.  It will be made to look like Labour made the Conservatives do it.”

History

The process of blaming a previous government is a well-established political tactic, with the outgoing Labour government employing the same methods as recently as April 2010.

Walton continued, “Thirteen years after taking power Labour were still blaming the Tory government they beat in the 1997 general election.  It’s to be expected.”

“Right now the focus should be on blaming Labour for the terrible state of the nation’s finances.  It is George Osborne’s job to feign shock and horror at discovering just how bad everything is.”

“However, come the budget on 22nd June, his focus will shift to blaming Labour for the terrible decisions the Con-Dems have been forced into making.”

“Of course, should those decisions turn out badly – with a double dip recession, for example – then Osborne’s focus will shift towards blaming Labour for leaving the national finances in such a bad state that even the unpopular decisions Labour forced the government into making couldn’t make any difference.”

“I think you probably see how this is going to work now, yes?”

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