Friday 14 May 2010

This is not a panic meeting, insists screaming Facebook executive


Teary-eyed and wobbly-voiced Facebook executives have been quick to dismiss rumours that its latest company-wide meeting is a panic measure following significant criticism of changes to its privacy policy.

Criticism has been rife after the site introduced a new feature that lets non-Facebook websites, or third parties, post the mundane personal views of millions of Facebook users without their consent.

However, executives have been quick to insist that this meeting would have happened whether there had been privacy policy issues, or not.

One executive told us, “I wouldn’t read too much into the all the crying and screaming.  People run around here like the building’s on fire all the time – it’s perfectly normal.”

“Oh, that guy stood on the ledge up there? Yes, he’s our chief counsel – and no, I don’t think he’s really going to jump.  Not voluntarily anyway.”

“We’re addressing user concerns, and I think it’s fair to say that sitting on the floor holding your knees to your chest and rocking back and forth is a recognised problem solving technique.”

Faceboook founder shares his privacy concerns
Faceboook founder Mark Zuckerberg shares his privacy concerns

New Policy

Many users have been oblivious to the fact that their entirely inconsequential views have been available to hundreds of third parties.

Industry analyst Terrence Smith explained, “The changes they made are subtle, but your status updates are no longer boring just your immediate circle of ‘friends’ – they are also boring a number of corporations who are already regretting the fact that they wanted access to them in the first place.”

“The best way to handle the new privacy settings is to equate any new status update to taking out a full page spread in a tabloid newspaper.  Assume everyone can see it, be bored rigid by it, and then mock you for it.”

“So it’s probably best not to mention that rash ‘down there’, you know?”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: