Thursday 13 May 2010

Cameron bans use of all fags in cabinet meetings


Prime Minister David Cameron has told his new cabinet that the use of fags is not permitted whilst they are in session, either in Downing Street, or around the county.

The move has surprised many, due to the heavy reliance on fags by many of the senior figures in the new coalition Government.

Cameron announced the policy at this morning’s first cabinet meeting, after he had to call Justice Secretary Ken Clarke to attention, as he was still engaged in another conversation with his new fag.

After declaring a brief fag-amnesty, George Osborne’s fag came out from under the table where he had been ensuring you could see the face of a poor person in the new Chancellor’s shoes.

The policy is also said be to aimed at putting at ease the Lib Dem members of the cabine, as many had not brought their own fags, and did not recognise any of that morning’s funny handshakes.

Change

The fag-stance is seen as a clear indication of Cameron’s commitment to change, and to ensure that the new coalition is seen as a government ‘of the people’.

A Downing street source told us, “The prime minister said that from now on, if you want your Downing Street coffee a little colder, then you’ll have to blow on it yourself.”

“And if you need the loo, you’ll have to warm the seat up yourself from this point onwards.”

“I must admit there were audilbe groans when he made that last point.”

“Luckily, it seems they recognise the need for these changes and appear willing to go along with it, no matter how reluctant they are on the inside.”

The cabinet meeting started fifteen minutes late after a fag-less George Osborne was left unable to open his own briefcase.

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