Wednesday 21 April 2010

Brown ‘desperate’ after Clegg returns yet another mix-tape


Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg has indicated that he finds Gordon Brown ‘desperate’ after returning yet another mix tape from the embattled Prime Minister.

Clegg, who could hold the balance of power in the event of a hung parliament, has been the object of Brown’s continuing desire since approximately 10pm last Thursday evening.

A Liberal Democrat insider told us that Brown’s advances have become more frequent in the last few days, with Clegg starting to find it a little bit creepy.

“He started by giving little notes to one of his friends who brought it over and gave it to one of Nick’s friends.”

“Then he moved onto mix tapes.  The first one had a number of motivational songs which culminated in the 1987 Starship hit ‘Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now’ – from the film Mannequin.”

“Nick found it sweet, but a little bit sad.”

Escalation

It appears that Clegg’s nonchalance to Brown’s advances have led to an escalation by the increasingly desperate Labour leader.

The Liberal Democrat insider continued, “The latest mix tape had several minutes of sobbing at the end, in which Gordon said he didn’t know what he would do without him, and that Nick means the absolute world to him.”

“Nick has even stopped reading all of Gordon’s little notes now – even the ones drenched in Hai Karate.”

From his position of power, Clegg is said to be considering playing his two main suitors against each other.

Clegg confided in one party source, telling them, “I know David Cameron wants me as well, all the boys do, but at least he’s keeping his dignity for now.  I might pretend I’m going to go with Gordon just to see if I can get some sort of reaction out of him.”

“I guess he’ll either put up a fight for me, or he’ll just pretend he never wanted me in the first place – which is a lie by the way, my friend Vince told me.”

“Look, if I’m going to give it up, I need to make them work for it so that I can know in my heart that they think I’m worth it.”

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