Tuesday 20 April 2010

Desperate holiday makers almost out of excuses to stay away from UK


Thousands of British holiday makers have today found themselves almost out of excuses to stay in their delightful resort destinations and away from the dreary British Isles.

With flights in the northern part of the country expected to resume this morning, Scottish holiday makers are the first to be dragged kicking and screaming from their Villas and to the nearest airport for their return flights.

Gregor McDonald, on holiday in Egypt explained, “We told them it wasn’t safe to fly yet, and that if we died we’d come back and haunt them – but they still put us on a coach back to airport.”

“But these extra five days have been amazing. The best part is, it’s all being paid by my holiday insurance company.”

“It actually feels a bit like making an insurance claim because someone broke into your house and gave it an amazing make-over.  Sure, we didn’t ask for it, but it’s been brilliant. And best of all, it’s been completely free.”

God

With Scottish travellers the first to make their way home, many southern based holiday-makers have potentially many days left in their chosen resorts, a fact for which they are extremely grateful.

Shane Meadows, on holiday in Greece told us, “I’ve never been a religious man, but last week I said a little prayer asking if God could fix it so I never had to go back to Basingstoke and my shitty job at the council.  Eight hours later he blew up Iceland. That’s service for you.”

“As a result I started the ‘Church of Latter Day Benevolent Volcanoes’ here in Greece, and so far we have over a thousand members – all British holiday makers.”

“Now that they’re threatening to send us home, we’re having a service on the beach later to pray that God will look kindly upon us and blow up another country – somewhere like Finland. You’re welcome to join us if you want?”

“This paradise might be taken away from us at any moment, so every day spent away from Hampshire Council Tax defaulters is a day I thank the Lord of angry volcanoes himself.”

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