Monday 19 April 2010

ITV agree to take Adrian Chiles in return for further BBC cutbacks


ITV has reluctantly agreed to employ The One Show presenter Adrian Chiles after the BBC said they would discuss further funding cutbacks only if ITV used the pudding-faced presenter to front some of their prime-time television programmes.

Chiles has been sent to ITV in a move designed to highlight the fact that just because the BBC gets government funding, doesn’t make it any easier to make good programmes, with good presenters.

BBC Director General Mark Thompson explained, “If people want the BBC to have its funding cut, then we should no longer be disadvantaged by having to use presenters like Adrian Chiles.”

“We are proud of the unique way in which the BBC is funded, and how it has allowed us to give presenting opportunities to people like Adrian Chiles, whose plasticine face and dour demeanour means he would never have made it in the commercial television world.  But that ends today.”

“We have already agreed to cuts in areas like 6 Music, but if the commercial sector want us to make further concessions in our television output then they’re going to have to start using Adrian Chiles to front some of their television shows.  It’s only fair.”

“And none of those late night quiz things, I want him fronting shows that people other than students or the unemployed might actually see.”

Agreement

Tense negotiations have seen an agreement on the part of ITV to reluctantly use Chiles to present GMTV, and also World Cup football, in return for the BBC agreeing to consider cuts in its Doctor Who budget.

ITV were said to have rejected a proposal from the BBC to cancel Doctor Who altogether, if ITV would agree to create a Saturday night talk show presented solely by BBC Radio 1 DJ Chris Moyles.

And ITV insider said, “Doctor Who is killing us in the ratings, yes, but putting Chris Moyles on prime time television? That would be commercial suicide.”

“We’ve agreed to take Chiles, as it’s a risk we feel we can mitigate by surrounding him with actual personalities, but we’re not taking all of the BBC’s shite, no way.”

Chiles is expected to take his sink his way into the GMTV sofa later this year, before beginning the process of sending the nation back to sleep every morning.

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