Monday 19 April 2010

Conservatives pledge to make Britain a Volcano-free nation


David Cameron today made a pledge to the electorate that a Conservative government would see Britain return once again to being a nation free from volcano disasters.

At a press conference to launch the new policy, Cameron told reporters, “Under the last Conservative government this great nation of ours was blissfully unaware of the threat posed by volcanoes.”

“Not once did Volcanic ash threaten your week in Malaga, not once did an exploding mountain stop Eddie Jordan commentating on a F1 Grand Prix – but this is the level of misery we have seen under a Labour government.”

“After thirteen long years, Labour have singularly failed to adequately prepare us for a volcano disaster, and today we are reaping what they have sowed.”

“In his ten years and chancellor and three years as Prim Minister how much did he spend filling in volcanoes? Nothing, that’s how little he cares about your volcanic safety.”

Recovery

Labour responded almost immediately explaining that their policies had seen the country recover as quickly as could be expected from an event that has affected the whole of Europe.

Prime minister Gordon Brown said, “Under my leadership, volcanic recovery has been strong and we are on the right track to be free of volcanic ash by the weekend.”

“We took decisive action, made the tough decisions, and soon we will all be benefiting from the steps we have taken.”

“The Conservatives will tell you it could have been prevented, but will not tell you how much it costs, and we urge you think long and hard before voting for headlines, not policies.”

Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg, a man that most people now recognise, was keen to explain there was another option.

He told party activists, “It is not just about preventing a volcanic disaster like the Conservatives will tell you, or putting in place steps to recover from one as Labour have said.”

“The electorate should realise that there is a third way – and as soon as we think of it, we will let you know.”

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