Tuesday 13 April 2010

Conservative manifesto to empower everyone, even the idiots all around you


The Conservative manifesto was launched this morning and promises to give more power to the people, including the complete morons living all around you.

Pledges include helping people, including certified idiots, to set up their own schools, sack MPs, choose police commissioners and veto high council tax increases.

Shadow Foreign Secretary William Hague explained, “It’s a simple strategy, the more work you do, the less we have to do, and the more you get wrong, the less blame we take – we like to think of it as giving the idiots ‘enough rope’.”

The launch has already garnered significant support among the electorate with many hoping to take a great role in their society.

Jeffrey Widdecombe, 33, told us, “I’m all for it definitely – in fact, this is probably the least amount of power that has ever gone to someone’s head. I’m already drunk on it.”

“Wait, there will be some sort of minimum IQ requirement, right? I mean, we can’t let simpleton’s have a say in the running of schools and police forces, surely? Can we at least make them do some long division before they get a chance to contribute?”

Opposition

However, a large number of voters have said they don’t trust themselves to pay the gas bill on time, so anything more than that is probably expecting a bit much.

Mike Chambers, 27 explained, “Look, if I’m going to have an idiot making decisions on my behalf, I think I’d rather it was an elected idiot rather than just a loud bumbling one who happens to live on my street.”

“I mean, Dave in the pub once set fire to his pubes for 25p.  If anything, I want him to have even less power.  Not more.”

The election campaign continues.

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