Friday 9 April 2010

Get tested for Chlamydia after every cheap alcohol promotion, researchers tell students


Following a study of UK students, researchers who don’t have sex very often have suggested women should take a Chlamydia test after every new sexual partner, putting significant pressure on sexual health clinics within walking distance of most Universities.

A survey of female students showed that an annual check-up was not sufficiently frequent to catch all cases of Chlamydia, and that women should instead take a test after every new sexual partner.

The suggestion has been ridiculed by all female students with a functioning vagina.

Sharon James, 19, and a student a Reading University said, “I do Biology, which is 25 hours of lectures every week, so where am I going to fit in four visits – on average – to the nearest clap clinic?”

“And such regular visits will pretty much advertise the fact that I put out quite easily, which will attract certain male attention and only make the issue worse. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle.”

“They’ve just not thought this through.”

Prevention

Leader of the research team Professor Pippa Oakeshott explained that although the new recommendations might seem a little onerous, it would ensure all young women have a pristine ‘vejay-jay’.

She told reporters, “Yes, it might seem like a lot of visits for your average fresher away from home for the first time.  But we envisage a season-ticket system where regular visitors get seen more quickly.  It’ll be a bit like a drive-through.”

“We fully understand how a Student Union promotion on continental lager could lead to queues around the block, but we would ask what’s more important – watching the latest episode of Jeremy Kyle at home, or popping to the clinic to avoid a lifetime of crotch-rot?”

“We’re not telling young people to stop having sex with lots of people all of the time, we’re just trying to make it so crippling embarrassing to do so that they choose to stop it all by themselves.”

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